If
you've ever helplessly watched someone die you know how it feels to be aware of
a glaring problem, yet unable to intervene. If you've had a conscious
near-death experience you know how it feels to be fully aware of a problem,
unable to intervene, and paralyzed with fear because it’s your life ending. Having experienced both these situations, I can
say facing uncertainty in my own life isn't nearly as dramatic as either.
However, I deem it comparable because I am just as aware, just as helpless, and
sometimes just as afraid when I don’t feel like I’m in control of my own life
and/or future.
For
the past few months my life’s been a huge mix of uncertainty. I’d love to bore
you with all the intricate details (trust me, I really would!), but for the
sake of getting the message across (and to prevent a potential pity-party) I’ll
jump straight to my thoughts and feelings J and share what Abba has
been teaching me through this. Since this life-stage is on-going, this post
will be more like an open diary than a wise post-hoc reflection.
I
spend most challenging times in my life in mildly depressed passivity
punctuated with moments of either despairing panic or hopeful resilience. I
detach and pretend it’s someone else experiencing said hard times.
As
an aspiring WoG (Woman of God), I wish my struggle portfolio read a little
better. It would be awesome if I could tell you that I brave my battles like a valiant
warrior; that I’m as faithful as Ruth and I pray like Hannah, that I sing my
sorrows to the dust and dance like David in joyful faith.
I’m
not there yet.
However,
I've come to realize that as each challenge presents itself, I grow a tiny bit
in faith, and I’m just a little more engaged with God every hard season. It’s becoming
apparent to me that uncertainty must be the mother of all faith. Abba uses
uncertainty as a tool to carve character and enduring faith into my baby soul.
He’s been teaching me to Trust him when He says;
“After you
have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His
eternal glory in Christ, will Him-self perfect, confirm, strengthen and
establish you.”
1 Peter 5: 10
I've
been waiting months to overcome the challenges I’m facing so that I can write
about them and give you a neat post with a clear-cut happy ending, a verse, and
a moral of the story. God gave me the verse, He’s working on my heart, and for
now, that’s all I need.
Nice!! it's well written and it's right on the money... almost punched my screen when I got to the end though.. it came too soon and unexpected :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Clever, I appreciate the feedback lots and I try to keep it short for those who aren't big readers. You're welcome to subscribe :) , I post every few weeks or so.
DeleteFirst and foremost it is well written I mean the quality of the writing and the true and naked expression of the feelings and ideas can't be truer than it is already. I am very blown away by the sweetness of your writing skills that just takes the reader into a pleasant journey of reflections and thinking. Speaking of reflection, this blog article amazingly portrays the uncertainty we all struggle with and how hard it is to strengthen our faith against that. It is true that God put us in situations to teach us and shape us into the MoG (man of God) and WoG (woman of God) we are because I believe we are already we need to fight for that now. The question is not why are we uncertain but why do we even worry whereas we should turn our wasted time to worry into prayers and worship. I believe it's time to really replace all the world distractions that fill our hearts by what makes us MoG and WoG. By that I mean love for Jesus Christ, love for people and strive in seeing transformation through God's words. We do not know tomorrow but we don't have to because that's not us rather we are meant to work and love people at the end of the day at the present moment.
ReplyDeleteThanks Nathaniel,I appreciate the positive feedback. And you're so right that it's easy to forget what's important especially in trying times. I love what you said about turning our worries into prayers and worship and that's what I'm aiming for. I hope you keep reading :)
ReplyDelete